Over the years, I’ve coached executives, including company presidents, who sometimes find themselves in a frustrating and uncomfortable situation with one of their managers. I know what these executives are feeling—I’ve experienced this same situation in some coaching sessions.
The scenario goes like this: A company president has a manager who is not meeting his goals, and while they have had several sit-downs and serious conversations about what’s going on (or not going on), they get nowhere and nothing improves because the manager is defensive instead of proactive.
Whenever the president meets with the manager, the manager tells her all the reasons why his department / division / team is underperforming. Wanting to be supportive and helpful, the president offers suggestions, ideas and thoughts about what they could do differently, better, more of, less of, etc.
The president is trying to help her manager work through this, but his defensive posture is making that nearly impossible. Her insightful suggestions are met with resistance and “let me tell you why that won’t work.” The more recommendations the president makes, the more the manager resists.
I call this “the more you insist, the more I resist” situation. It’s highly frustrating to a leader who is trying to change a direct report’s attitude and behavior.
Not long ago, an executive asked me for help with this very thing. I told her that the wrong person was uncomfortable in her meetings.
She shouldn’t be the one tasked with coming up with solutions to their problems. The manager who reports to her is a senior executive who is highly paid and extremely experienced. He’s at the level where he should be the one bringing ideas to the meeting. After all, the company president is paying for performance—not for excuses about underachieving. The company president shouldn’t be the only one in the room coming up with positive solutions. A leader wants—and needs—people who are constantly thinking about how they—and the company—can do what they do better.
I recommended she change the conversation.
I suggested that next time she meets with this person tell him something like this: “We promoted you into this position years ago because you were the right person for the job. You had the experience, knowledge and leadership ability to run the division. Our meetings are not going the way I want them to go. There is tension between us. I can feel it. It is frustrating to me when I offer you suggestions and you tell me why they won’t work. This is going to change.
“I want you, starting immediately, to tell me what and how we can do better. I want your suggestions on reducing costs, increasing productivity and improving quality. If you need help, let me know how I can help. Our conversation is no longer about why things aren’t working; from here on out, it’s about how to fix the situation, and you’re going to tell me how we do that. Let’s get together tomorrow and talk specifically about what you can do to lead your team in the right direction.”
Next time you have a direct report who continues to tell you why things won’t work, change the conversation. Shift the focus. Charge that person to do his job and come up with a workable way forward. Don’t do his job for him.
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