unsolicited advice is often seen as criticism

Let’s continue our discussion on the art of giving advice and talk a little about getting advice, too. Last time, I advised you to follow Jim Rohn’s advice when offering advice: “Don’t mistake courtesy for consent.”

I also suggested asking the follow-up questions: “What do you think about what I just said?” and “What are you going to do?” These two simple questions are a great way to avoid frustration on both sides and, more importantly, they establish common expectations regarding the advice.

Here’s another relevant idea relating to advice: Always remember that unsolicited advice often is received as criticism. I don’t recall who told me this, but it is something that guides my actions in my coaching sessions and in my life outside the office. I’d advise you to keep this in mind in ALL situations—and I rarely use the term “all” when handing out advice.

Think for a moment about the last time you had someone suddenly weigh in on some aspect of your work, life, faith, etc. How did that make you feel? Were you inclined to follow the unsolicited advice? Or did you resent the advice and the person who offered it?

Here’s an example: Let’s say you are at a family reunion, and you are having a private conversation with your very favorite aunt. A cousin walks up and listens for a moment or two to your now semi-private conversation and suddenly says,

“If I were you, I’d do …”

Here comes some advice that you’ve not asked for, and, chances are, it might come across as criticism of your own way of thinking. Unfortunately, this cousin probably will walk away feeling like he has given you some very helpful advice. He might even be thinking that a personal note from you after the event would be appropriate to thank him for his wisdom and direction.

You, in turn, feel like this cousin ought to just mind his own business. You’ve, in fact, seen how he handles money, family, etc., and he ought to drink some of his own Kool-Aid before telling you what to do. You’ll walk away hoping he doesn’t come to next year’s reunion, and if he does, you’ll plan to avoid him.

Advice is great—if it’s asked for. Think before you offer unsolicited advice. Treat advice like medicine—a little bit goes a long way. And that might be the best advice I have for you today.