you’re fired!

About once a month, I have someone in our sales coaching program come in and talk about losing a big customer to a competitor.

As you might imagine, they feel rejected; disappointed; and, in some cases, downright angry. I get that. But no matter what their reaction—sad or mad—there’s always a next step. And there are right ways—and wrong ways—to handle losing a valuable customer.

How you deal with the disappointment of a loss can have long-term consequences. It’s important to accept losses and reversals with grace. Sulking and challenging the decision might cost you future opportunities.

So, whether you came up short on a significant new opportunity with a potential customer or you’ve lost a valued, established client to your competition, these are your next steps:

1. First of all, you should do nothing for at least two business days. You need time to calm down. Losing a valued relationship is painful emotionally and, often, financially. It’s easy to make it personal. So give yourself time to think clearly and rationally. Trust me on this.
2. Next, send a personal, handwritten thank-you note. Yes, a thank-you note! Sincerely thank the customer for their previous business. Thank them for allowing you the opportunity to work with them. Or, if this was a prospective client, thank them for considering what you have to offer. End the note by letting them know how much they (and their business) meant to you, and say that you’ll look forward to talking with them again in the near future.
3. Three months later, schedule a lunch with this former customer or prospective client to see how things are going with them. Make this encounter light and casual. But do include in the conversation something that’s new, exciting or beneficial to your existing customers. In our coaching program, we believe you should always add some type of value (in the form of a good idea, a usable suggestion, etc.) whenever you meet with someone—no matter what the circumstances.
4. Six months out, send the person a little something they might enjoy. Maybe this person likes to grill; send a new grilling cookbook, a set of tongs or a selection of barbecue sauces. This action shows that you actually listened when the client shared something personal. It shows that you cared then and still do today.

Some people we work with say that the loss “stings” too much, and they just can’t (or don’t want to) follow these suggestions. No way they’re going to send a thank-you note! Their pride gets in the way. I challenge these people to put their emotions aside and just do it. Forging—and maintaining—meaningful relationships (and that’s what we strive for in and out of the office) sometimes requires doing things you might not want to do.

When you lose a valued client or a significant new opportunity, restrain from your natural tendency to “set the record straight.” Negative energy breeds negative energy, and positive energy breeds positive energy.

The immediate thank-you note and the lunch meeting three months out are positive actions. Furthermore, these are ways to show the customer that you value them—not just the transaction.

What’s more, by staying in the game—and staying positive—you significantly improve your chances of working with the client again. Handle disappointment with grace and the right attitude, and instead of being told, “You’re fired,” you could very well hear, “You’re re-hired!” in the future.